The Struggle.

I don’t always get it right. Ever find yourself back in a trap circling around the same issues? I feel like lately mine has been fear and doubt. I’ve been fighting for through some areas in my life this year that has caused me to rethink how I live. This year has been full of staying alert and clear headed to muster up the courage to face my giants.

What are some giants you are facing?

While I earnestly sought the Lord in prayer the last few months, I’ve made some bold decisions that in faith believed I’d see freedom and breakthrough I was longing for.

Here’s some life examples:

• I quit my job in faith there would be new opportunity in my calling by now.
• We experienced the joy of being pregnant with our first child and quickly had some loss after sharing the good news with our families.
• And while I was looking forward to kicking off the year on mission in Africa, I received a call hours before we left saying that there had been threats and an attack in the country we were headed to so the trip had been cancelled due to safety precautions.

All this transition happened in a course of a month and I’m not sure exactly what I was supposed to feel. It’s as if fear and doubt knew my trigger points and found a way to knock me down again.

Collecting my thoughts, I begin to wrestle with truth over lies.

The lie.
I can’t stay on social media for too long in this season of vulnerability. It fuels the lies that replay in my mind which feeds off my desires. It’s hard enough to be patient for the things you want when you don’t have the answers you’ve been praying about or working towards. I catch my heart beginning to play the comparison game or worse -bitterness tries to root itself in my heart.

I’d say it’s easier to be bitter. It’s easier to call it quits on staying positive and obedient or steadfast in God’s love. It’s easier to throw myself a pity party. And it’s a lot easier to be angry, or tempted to isolate from community as I play the “why me” game. How am I supposed to celebrate with others when my heart is sad?

And that’s where I force myself to stop. I draw a line with those lies. I’ve had enough with being trapped by discontentment or worry or anxiety. It’s a lie and self narrative that entices me to doubt about the goodness in my life. It’s a lie that makes me believe I am unwanted or unloved or unqualified.

And it’s a lie from the enemy.

The truth.
But that’s not who God says I am. God calls me beloved; Jesus calls me friend. The truth is that it doesn’t matter whether I win or fail. It only matters about my relationship with Jesus and my faith in him to trust Him with my life. I’m invited to journey with Him in life. I get to know God’s heart.

Circling back to the Circumstances
Although I had some hiccups or interruptions along the way, It was through God that I was able to experience true joy and peace in the struggle. These areas have only show how much stronger the Lord has made me this year knowing that He has already laid before me some promises. And I love that part of the relationship with Jesus; I am promised hope.

Jesus is hope for my future,

forgiver and redeemer of my past,

and a close friend during my present.

Jesus set me free through every trap of fear and doubt. And another thing that he promised me of all things was his Holy Spirit. I find it safe to say that I am never alone. In faith and in courage, I still believe that God has a plan as he holds my future.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for
and certain of what we do not see.

So while it seems I may not have the answers yet,
I believe that I am right where I need to be.

What is your struggle? What are your fears? What is your truth?
When you find yourself in the waiting, how do you manage to get back up? I believe that in the journey of life we begin to discover more of who we are in our response. We can either choose to move one step forward against darkness and fear or live courageously by moving forward as we cling to hope.