Ever been stuck? I think I am…or maybe I was.
How do you pull yourself out of a rut that you found yourself in? It’s been over five months so far for me. It started when I lost our mailbox key.

My husband and I referred to it as, “the mailbox season”. It was back in November. We looked everywhere! Still can’t find it. But since then it begun a series of events that spiraled us further down in a hole that lead us to be discouraged.

It felt like a rug was pulled out from under me.
Like those life alert commercials too.
“Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

Anyways, I was wrestling through some anger. And I felt like I was the one to blame.

I once heard someone name this season Angst. At some point everyone either experiences a wall they can’t seem to climb. Like it builds character or something.

I have been fighting to stay encouraged.

While I know I can’t get back the time I spent wrestling with God, I do know now that I can continue to move forward. So just a week ago, I decided I was done.

I was ready to move forward and stop believing the lies I kept telling myself. The first step that helped me move forward was to love my husband well. It meant listening to him and caring for what his needs were. While he was drowning in finals week with school and his work responsibilities, I decided to spend my free time detailing the car and getting the oil changed. While it seems pretty ordinary, I found myself climbing out of whatever rut I was in. One thing after another off the old list of things we meant to do, we finally felt like we could put an end to our mailbox key season. So we grabbed a spare we got from the association’s office and made a copy. Did that seem so hard?

But really -we go through things and we face our struggles and can either get stuck wallowing in it or jump back up. While I wish it didn’t take me five months to bounce back, I started to reevaluate what little things set me back instead of finding breakthrough.

So here’s what I learned:

• Humility changes your perspective and allows you to really see others.
• It’s okay to grieve. I am not broken, I was just hurting. And it’s okay to give myself time to heal. I learned to allow others to help when I couldn’t help myself. This allows me to empathize with others going through grief.
• I can’t out-give God. He is the ultimate giver. If I’m going to give, I better hope I do it with gladness and joy. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I don’t get a pat on the back for “sacrificing”. Jesus already sacrificed for me.
• Pay attention to the testing. Hold to what is true. There’s so many voices that mean well trying to speak to me. I need to listen to the right voice and be in it meditating and living it out daily.
• True fulfillment isn’t found in an experience, a job, a person or anything else life could offer me. If I really looked back to when I was most fulfilled, I’d say it is my personal relationship and faith in Jesus.

With all of life’s demands, it’s okay to just be still for a moment.
There are moments when my mind is racing faster than I can fully process.

At times I find it difficult to manage any rising emotions as mine are usually delayed to whatever current event. At my worst, I’d say I get to the point of holding back my tears after feeling the tension in my chest, and it usually indicates that I’ve out done myself again. Stress chokes the joy out of me. And at my best, I feel invincible, ready to take on the world like I can handle anything.

But how do you healthily find that balance of work, play and rest?

Celebrate with others.
If you’re wired like I am, it’s easy to move on too quick with what’s next when you reach a goal. It’s much harder to be present and just enjoy right now. Through the years, I’ve learned to be thankful in every circumstance. It helps me to see people. It reminds me to celebrate others wins too. I have to remind myself to guard time to celebrate my loved ones and appreciate what is in front of me. Whatever that may look like, I hope you find all the things you’re grateful for and be surrounded with the people who bring you most joy.

Work hard and put effort towards what matters the most. 
Did I tell you I’m still without a job? It’s a big weight I’m still carrying but I’m reminded that jobs will come and go. Each day I am reminded to be intentional with time. I still put effort and work into things that are most important and impactful to me. For instance, my marriage and my home. If that doesn’t keep me busy, there’s still being a contributing member to my community by volunteering where my local church gathers.

we are the church. I still have a part that is vital to being the body of Christ. I am still serving others lovingly while I’m in the waiting.

Oh and if it’s not already hard enough just putting effort into keeping this body in shape. There’s so much information telling us how we should eat, or workout but I’ll save that for another conversation

Pause, reflect, sleep, repeat.
Oh I love this part. Someone once told me that God’s gift to us is sleep. After a long day your body physically starts to feel the wear and tear. Whether that might some tense shoulders, oncoming headache, or the dark circles forming around the eyes -you know it’s time to shut them and let your head hit the pillow. It’s interesting that if I don’t take time to reflect and process earlier in the day, I’ll run into the same mindset of feeling restless by night when I have time to lay still in bed. For me, it’s praying and talking with my spouse about my day and just allowing myself to take a deep breath and remember that God is much bigger than my situations. He is still on the move and thoughtfully at work while I’m asleep.

With all that said, I hope that all this gives encouragement to say that you’re not alone. I feel alone at times when I don’t give myself time to slow down but again, look around. You have so much to be thankful for and to enjoy the little things. Hope you get some peace and rest.

Wisdom calls us.
Wisdom wakes us.
Wisdom saves us.
Wisdom never leaves us.
Wisdom befriends us.

These phrases woke me up at dawn replaying over again like the tune of my alarm. Eagerly, I got up and was hungry for Wisdom. Finding my way over to the quiet corner of our home, I spent time with Wisdom in the pages of my Bible.

Think back to some of the most pivotal moments of your life.
What decisions did you have to make? What advice did you take?
What was Wisdom beckoning you to do?

There was a point where I had to be completely honest with God.
Shoot, I had to be completely honest with myself too!
And I was done with myself. More so, I just knew I was pretty tired.
It was a deep longing for something more and a redirection of purpose.

Wisdom grabbed a my attention in a van when I was least expecting it. Driving through a bumpy dirt road, staring out the window, I found myself hearing Wisdom wanting some things to change. My heart agreed. I knew deep down that this change was necessary and that I was finally willing.

That decision was to listen to Wisdom wholeheartedly.

Each step taken with Wisdom, I found myself walking with Courage!
You see, when you live with Wisdom, it leads you to discover more.
With Wisdom came Understanding. Understanding with Faith.
Faith brought me to find Courage to stand against fear and darkness.

Wisdom made me brave.

I don’t always get it right. Ever find yourself back in a trap circling around the same issues? I feel like lately mine has been fear and doubt. I’ve been fighting for through some areas in my life this year that has caused me to rethink how I live. This year has been full of staying alert and clear headed to muster up the courage to face my giants.

What are some giants you are facing?

While I earnestly sought the Lord in prayer the last few months, I’ve made some bold decisions that in faith believed I’d see freedom and breakthrough I was longing for.

Here’s some life examples:

• I quit my job in faith there would be new opportunity in my calling by now.
• We experienced the joy of being pregnant with our first child and quickly had some loss after sharing the good news with our families.
• And while I was looking forward to kicking off the year on mission in Africa, I received a call hours before we left saying that there had been threats and an attack in the country we were headed to so the trip had been cancelled due to safety precautions.

All this transition happened in a course of a month and I’m not sure exactly what I was supposed to feel. It’s as if fear and doubt knew my trigger points and found a way to knock me down again.

Collecting my thoughts, I begin to wrestle with truth over lies.

The lie.
I can’t stay on social media for too long in this season of vulnerability. It fuels the lies that replay in my mind which feeds off my desires. It’s hard enough to be patient for the things you want when you don’t have the answers you’ve been praying about or working towards. I catch my heart beginning to play the comparison game or worse -bitterness tries to root itself in my heart.

I’d say it’s easier to be bitter. It’s easier to call it quits on staying positive and obedient or steadfast in God’s love. It’s easier to throw myself a pity party. And it’s a lot easier to be angry, or tempted to isolate from community as I play the “why me” game. How am I supposed to celebrate with others when my heart is sad?

And that’s where I force myself to stop. I draw a line with those lies. I’ve had enough with being trapped by discontentment or worry or anxiety. It’s a lie and self narrative that entices me to doubt about the goodness in my life. It’s a lie that makes me believe I am unwanted or unloved or unqualified.

And it’s a lie from the enemy.

The truth.
But that’s not who God says I am. God calls me beloved; Jesus calls me friend. The truth is that it doesn’t matter whether I win or fail. It only matters about my relationship with Jesus and my faith in him to trust Him with my life. I’m invited to journey with Him in life. I get to know God’s heart.

Circling back to the Circumstances
Although I had some hiccups or interruptions along the way, It was through God that I was able to experience true joy and peace in the struggle. These areas have only show how much stronger the Lord has made me this year knowing that He has already laid before me some promises. And I love that part of the relationship with Jesus; I am promised hope.

Jesus is hope for my future,

forgiver and redeemer of my past,

and a close friend during my present.

Jesus set me free through every trap of fear and doubt. And another thing that he promised me of all things was his Holy Spirit. I find it safe to say that I am never alone. In faith and in courage, I still believe that God has a plan as he holds my future.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for
and certain of what we do not see.

So while it seems I may not have the answers yet,
I believe that I am right where I need to be.

What is your struggle? What are your fears? What is your truth?
When you find yourself in the waiting, how do you manage to get back up? I believe that in the journey of life we begin to discover more of who we are in our response. We can either choose to move one step forward against darkness and fear or live courageously by moving forward as we cling to hope.

Walk with me.

God is calling us to journey together with him. What would it look like in your life to constantly be in tune with His voice? This blog is a preview of what that lifestyle would look like through the events and experiences I personally have gone through.

I hope this is an opportunity where we get to SEE God move by allowing to find moments to be still, and to hear his voice together.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton